Robin Pan
Love, when misused could cause more harm. There are countless sad stories on the love of a couple and love of parents and children. Modern medical researches and statistics have demonstrated a strong co-relationship between cancerous conditions of females and their emotional problems. Emotional health is indeed the wellspring of physical health.
A healthy marriage is most essential to emotional health. Marriage is the inception of the family. Family is the framework of the society. Everyone comes from a family; the well-being of families has a direct impact on the harmony of a society. Therefore, a happy marriage is important.
The era of matchmaking is over; modern marriages are the result of mutual liking. Martial problems are therefore due to the inability to resolve differences and maintain the relationship. These problems are usually bad habits that should be corrected. This may sound simple. However, in the book “Love Buster”, authored by Dr Willard Harley, the marriage counsellor of twenty-five years pointed out five obstacles to martial happiness, which are basically the results of:
Violent Rage
A flurry of temper can cause one to forget the reason for being angry. The weaker party would resort to other means to take revenge. This revenge would then lead to another round of fury; these negative emotions became endless. This habit may cause danger to your partner. A family living in fury affects the emotional health of the offspring.
Disrespectful Criticisms
Criticism is never welcomed in marriages. Disrespectful criticism is an arrogant behaviour. It is used to force others to accept one’s view.
Irritable Habits
Usually, it is the females who find males’ bad habits intolerable. Changing these habits are not difficult; it is a matter of will. The party having difficulty should be tactful in requesting for change and the party needing change should view the change as a personal challenge and progress.
Selfish Requests
Dr Harley pointed out that none of the parties in a marriage wants to be a slave. Between a lover and a slave, you can only opt to be one. Whether male or female, one should seek the consent of the other party for any kind of assistance.
Dishonesty
Dishonesty is not restricted to infidelity; it includes not disclosing one’s feelings. If you are used to not expressing your feelings, the other party will never know how you really feel. If you do not express and bottle up unhappiness, it will not only lead to the main reason for marital breakup but also to chronic diseases.
In fact, a successful marriage needs effort. This effort involves getting attention and time. These are being mentioned in Dr Harley’s book “His Needs, Her Needs”.
Giving attention involves understanding what one’s spouse really wants? How to satisfy his/her wants? The Chinese traditionally wishes newly married couples “Hundred Years of Harmony” and harmony requires giving attention to living harmoniously.
On giving time, Dr Harley suggests couples should spend fifteen hours together without the intervention of external parties. Remember that being together is to satisfy each other’s needs. A marriage that needs repairs demands having more time for each other.
The book also lays down the different methods of resolving conflicts in a marriage, one of which relates to career. People nowadays place great importance on materialism, leading to sacrificing family life due to work. Many because of career change or promotion, change residence without considering the effect it might have on the family and children. Dr Harley advises one not to sacrifice marriage for the sake of career. In the course of his work, he has not met anyone at his/her deathbed regretting not having spent sufficient time at work. Instead, regrets are more on not spending enough time with loved ones and enjoying family life.
Indeed, pursuing a successful career is not a sin, except that success causes one to lose one’s self and become greedy. Success sometimes causes one to feel that the existing partner or friends are no longer suitable for one. These cases happen in history and still exist now. Greed leads one to encourage the husband to be successful and when success comes, the wife lives to regret the husband abandoning her.
Hence, there are many cases of love turning to hatred between couples. These love and hate relationships occur in every generation. Fate brings a couple or parents and children together. Therefore, one should treasure the togetherness, remind oneself to kick off undesirable habits and train one’s self to be at peace with others. By not overindulging in any relationships, one is relieved of emotional stress which eventually leads to good health.